The Cooking Critic

In The Lord of the Rings fashion, I’m going to begin the second part of “Who Will Be the Grilled Cheese Champion?” without a recap on the previous part. Instead please read part one of “Who Will Be the Grilled Cheese Champion?” by clicking here.

Back to “Who Will Be the Grilled Cheese Champion?” part two…

Next up was the third heat for sweet sandwiches. Shayna, Shahan and I took care of this leg, creating the most efficient grilled cheese assembly line ever known to man. It went like this: Shayna grilled the quesadillas, flipped them off the grill onto a plate, then put a new quesadilla in the pan, while I cut the quesadilla into wedges with scissors, then drizzled raspberry sauce on them. Next Shahan shook the powdered sugar, I added a dollop of whipped cream on each, Shahan raised the flag to alert a runner and Shayna was already taking the next quesadilla out of the pan. If there’s a grilled cheese zone, we were in it. Sadly, our flag and half of Shahan’s face got cut out of the picture, but here’s what we basically looked like in all our grilled-cheese making glory:

Not that we didn’t have some minor glitches. The hosts of this event informed us butter would be available for all. I had a sneaking suspicion that when they said “butter,” they meant “margarine” and had intended to bring my own butter since margarine will never ever do. Happily, my sneaking suspicion was correct. Sadly, I forgot to bring the butter. Still, when an enormous slab of real butter magically appeared in front of me, I determined this must be the secret communal butter stash and picked it up. As it turns out, this was not secret communal butter because it was whisked immediately out of my hands by another contestant and placed out of my reach. Luckily, a man to our right, making grilled cheese sandwiches in cube form, gave us his whole container of creamed butter when he was done making his sandwiches. Butter at last!

Another minor glitch–we nearly ran out of raspberry sauce and got stingy with it, as you can see here:

As for sweet sandwiches, one was made with slices of bread pudding and had a vanilla sauce and was nice and mild, but the sandwich had little to do with cheese. There was also an unusually sharp sandwich with dark bread, feta, cooked pears and a very tangy caramel sauce.

Finally the votes were tabulated. Team We Aim To Cheese waited anxiously for our name to be called . . . but we weren’t named winners of the standard grilled cheese competition, which made sense since we didn’t enter that field. Then came the alternative sandwich champions . . . and sadly, no glory for We Aim to Cheese. The sweet category finally arrived. The emcees called the third place winner . . . not us! Then right before they announced the second place winner, the emcee said, “This is my favorite sandwich name,” and we knew it was Requiem for a Cream…Cheese Quesadilla. Indeed, it was. I went on stage to receive the second-place trophy, and Brandon doused me in champagne to celebrate the victory. I was very cold but pleased the rest of the night.

Then the emcees called out the first place winners, and two girls in bikinis ran up to the stage, squealing with excitement. They looked something like this:

Picture that times two.

For some reason, we thought we could win looking like this:

The lesson we learned: team aprons are certainly not bikinis. Also, bring digital cameras, so we don’t have to worry about crooked, scanned images later.

I’m not even sure what sandwich the girls in bikinis made since ingredients were not announced during the award presentation, but I suspect no one knew what sort of sandwich they made. What happened to the good old days, when grilled cheese competitions were about the grilled cheese and not about the girls in bikinis?

At least we know what we have to do next year.

Recipes: Here’s a variation of Rob’s Breaded Pirate Roberts/Mozzarella in Carrozza , and here’s the family recipe for Cream Cheese Bars that inspired my quesadillas. For the quesadilla variation, I cooked the cream cheese mixture described in the Cream Cheese Bars link like a soufflé in a greased 8 x 8 pan for 25-30 minutes, then stuffed the cream cheese mixture into folded tortillas (roughly 1/3 cup per tortilla), cooked the tortilla on both sides on the stovetop (in butter), removed from heat, drizzled this super-simple Raspberry Sauce on it, sifted some powdered sugar over top, then finished with a squeeze of whipped cream. Here’s what Shahan has to say about Requiem for a Cream…Cheese Quesadillas: “It is good.” Now if that doesn’t convince you to try these, I don’t know what will.

Photos by Jim Sutherland, Leslie Limerick and Ezra Freedman.

>>Buy Real Fast Food by Nigel Slater or Open House: A Culinary Tour by The Junior League of Murfreesboro.

Blue cheese has a big personality. He’s a little obnoxious, truth be told, but he does liven up a salad. Still, he can be so overpowering that not everybody likes him. I’ve found many people so strongly opposed to blue cheese, that I actually crumble it up in a bowl and serve it on the side rather than sprinkling it in the serving bowl with the salad. That way the blue cheese haters can go about their business. Navigating a salad with blue cheese present when you’re trying to avoid him can be tricky, indeed.

It took me a while to warm up to blue cheese myself, but I like him now. Still, a hunk of blue cheese goes a long way, and I’m only going to eat so many salads. This leaves me trying to find other uses for this pungent dairy product. Spinach with Blue Cheese and Pasta is one.

Adjustments: I like spinach, so I add 3 handfuls of it instead of 2. I’d even consider 4 handfuls!

Assessment: Quick and satisfying, and a good way to use your blue cheese. I don’t think I would purchase the product specifically to make this dish, but I’ll happily make it when I already have some in the house. It’s a good, hearty, easy pasta meal to eat before a night out on the town. But it doesn’t reheat very well—the sauce tends to take the form of its former crumbly blue cheese self once placed in the fridge.

>>Buy Real Fast Food by Nigel Slater.

Nigel Slater likes to call this dish Pappardelle with Olive Paste and Gruyère. I didn’t include the pappardelle, olive paste or Gruyère but still used this recipe as a base for dinner one night. The word on the street is if you make three major changes to a recipe, you can call it your own. I’m not sure if my changes count as major, but I’ll name the dish just in case: Christine’s Veggie-Crunch Pasta. Not sure I like that. Feel free to submit better names.

Adjustments: I like pappardelle just as much as the next guy, which is basically the widest noodle you’ve ever seen, but it’s not the easiest noodle to find, so I used fettuccine instead. I’ve made the dish using the 1/3 cup black olive paste, and it’s good that way, but this time I used Trader Joe’s Roasted Vegetable Tapenade, and since you don’t have to worry about the overwhelming flavor of olives–olives can be bullies and gang up on you sometimes–go crazy and use 3/4’s cup if you want. Instead of pine nuts (expensive!), I use pumpkin seeds, and about 3 tablespoons instead of the 1 suggested since I hunt down the pumpkins seeds when I eat this dish because I like the slight crunch. And instead of Gruyère I used Asiago. Sweet, sweet Asiago. So basically I changed everything in this 5-ingredient meal except the olive oil. There isn’t a thing wrong with olive oil. (Anyone catch the shout-out to Junebug? Amy Adams was robbed! But Rachel Weisz is an excellent actress as well—I don’t want to piss Rachel off. I’m sure she reads my blog all the time. And I want her to know that I have a bias toward Southern actors and actresses or non-Southerners who play Southerners in all their complexity with a credible accent. Rachel is a Brit playing a Brit. Nothing Southern about that.)

Assessment: I wouldn’t plan a dinner party around this dish or anything, but it’s a great, satisfying meal to eat on my own. Prep work amounts to very little, so I’m going to put this dish in the “(Relatively) Easy” category, but since you have to boil (6 minutes) and bake (15-20 minutes), you will end up waiting a little while for your supper. Don’t worry, it’s worth it. And I don’t have a picture of this dish, but I do have a picture of my gleaming kitchen. I mopped! And those dishes in the sink are clean, drying dishes, I’ll have you know.

Canned tuna smells funny. Let’s just get that out of the way up front. I always feel a little guilty when I eat a tuna sandwich in front of other people because then I have to subject them to the smell, and that seems unfair.

So like many foods in my life, I started off with anti-tuna feelings, and now I see I was wrong. Very very wrong. This version of the Tuna Sandwich is made with olive oil, white wine vinegar and garlic instead of mayo, which makes me feel healthy and smart when I eat it. And I love feeling healthy and smart.

Honestly, you should buy Nigel Slater’s Real Fast Food for his commentary as much as the recipes. Here’s his description of this sandwich: “even in the depths of winter it can remind me of summer.” I hear you, Nigel. And he says the ingredients are based “on the classic Pan Bagna.” I’m sure we all know what that means.

Adjustments: I didn’t have the red bell pepper, anchovy fillets or black olives that the recipe calls for, and this sandwich was still good.

Assessments: I’ve eaten three of these sandwiches in a week’s time. It’s madness! For some reason, it’s become the only food that makes sense to eat after running. And I think I ate a bug today while running. The tuna sandwich tasted better.

Once upon a time I didn’t like mushrooms. I went through a sad, mushroom-less existence until I happened upon my 20s, then suddenly I became a convert. I wish I could remember the exact moment the mushroom caught my eye, what I was wearing, if I sauntered across a crowded dance floor toward the buffet table initially distracted by some canapés while “Do You Believe in Magic” played in the background. I don’t know how it happened exactly, but clearly I saw the mushroom warranted my attention. Now, to make up for my earlier mistake, I consume as many mushrooms as humanly possible. I’m not picky: shitake, portobello, crimini. I love them all. If a dish on a menu includes this vegetable, it’s very likely I’ll order it for the mushrooms alone. The steak that comes with it is just a bonus.

With my love of the mushroom has come an addiction to cream of mushroom soup—there are worse addictions—and I make it regularly. I have a recipe from a William-Sonoma book that takes some time but is exceptionally good, and then I have this Mushroom Soup from Real Fast Food, which is much easier, not quite as wonderful, but still amazingly satisfying. This soup is especially good when you dunk some slices of baguette in it. (I recently became a dunker of bread into soups and sauces as well.) A glass of red wine tastes good with it too.

Adjustments: I heated the soup again after whirring it around with the cream in the food processor. And since my milk’s expiration date had passed, I used double the cream and no milk at all—the recipe called for equal parts milk and cream. Also I added a bit of Madeira wine while the soup warmed back up and sprinkled chopped parsley on the finished product. And this is a thin mushroom soup, so if you like yours thicker, reduce the liquids.

Assessment: Soup! I love it! This one’s good! But not spectacular! But easy! I recommend it!

There are too few good homemade lunches out there. Luckily, Hot Chicken with Cream and Garlic Sandwich is changing the landscape of lunches round the world. I love Real Fast Food for including something so basic—chicken, garlic, butter, cream and fresh herbs heated and served on a baguette. I also like that the recipe contains the word “glop” as an instruction: “[use] enough cream to make a thick ‘glop.’”

Adjustments: I used the roasted chicken still in my fridge rather than cooking up a new one and threw in the cilantro and parsley I had on hand.

Assessment: Like it!

So I’ve been feeling tired and low on iron and determined the best way to rectify this is to eat red meat. I’m not sure why taking iron pills isn’t the solution, but it wasn’t. I decided to make Stir-Fried Beef with Broccoli and Mushrooms. I think because that’s what I get when I order Thai food.

So this dish seemed to take longer that the 30 minutes it claimed, and I ended up with a boring bowl of beef and broccoli doused in an uninspiring sauce. I think the grocery bill was more expensive than had I ordered takeout. And I usually look forward to leftovers. But I found an excuse to eat something different the next day.

Also, is it me or does fresh ginger looks like a deformed animal paw? I think ginger is to food what the opossum is to animals. And what I mean by that is they are both ugly.

Assessment: Here’s the number of Leela Thai: 323-660-6100. If you’re in L. A., get their Beef and Broccoli instead.

I’m not sure that I’ve eaten bulgur wheat before, but I’m strangely drawn to recipes using it, though I can’t say it sounds entirely appetizing. Maybe I want something just because it’s good for me? Stranger things have happened. . . . Anyhow, came across the substance in a health food store (Nature Mart–love it), purchased it on a whim, and whipped up a batch of Bulgur Wheat with Mushrooms (from Real Fast Food by Nigel Slater). The recipe said to cook the bulgur wheat till tender, but it never approached anything remotely close to tender. After adding quite a bit more water, I got it to about al dente. It wasn’t a bad little dish. It certainly tasted healthy, but what’s wrong with that? And it was really easy. Good as a side dish or a main course with a side salad. Not the most photogenic food (that’s why I didn’t enlarge the picture), but I can’t judge–I’m not very photogenic myself.

Adjustments: A decent amount of extra water (I lost track of how much), and the recommended cheddar if you don’t have Gruyère.

Assessment: Seeing as I have a big old bag of bulgur wheat in my cabinet now, this dish will definitely be appearing on the menu again in the future. It was nice for a change.