The Cooking Critic

Lasagna is one of the most overrated dishes that has ever existed in the history of mankind. This, I realize, is a big, bold statement, but I think I can say it with confidence. Despite the fact I’ve thought this for at least eight years now (ever since a particularly atrocious date that, no, I don’t believe has overly influenced my feelings regarding lasagna,) I still feel compelled to order it on occasion. In general, I prefer to order something new and intriguing, but sometimes the idea of cheese, red sauce and noodles proves too much, and I end up with a slab of lasagna in front of me. And then I remember I’m not that into lasagna, despite all the glorious cheese.

But all lasagnas aren’t created equal. My cousin, Wendy, for example, makes an excellent, particularly well-balanced lasagna that had me returning for seconds before others had finished getting their firsts. (Honestly, you should just stay out of my way when I’m hungry.) Since I had some polenta firming up in the fridge from an earlier recipe, I decided to try the Polenta Lasagna with Tomatoes and Peppers recipe that had always caught my eye in American Bistro, despite how stupidly long it was. I’m pretty sure that using Prego instead of making a homemade tomato and pepper sauce doesn’t count as a significant change that entitles me to name the dish my own, but I’m going to anyways: Christine’s Cheesy Polenta and Spinach Tower.

Adjustments: So I didn’t take the dental floss and slice the polenta down the middle like I was told to, and this is probably why my lasagna looked like the Leaning Tower of Pisa (or, rather, the Leaning Tower of Chees-a—hoo hoo hoo ha ha ha, man, I’m funny.) In the future, I will use dental floss, as instructed—at the very least, it probably makes for a much prettier presentation. Since I had plans to go out this evening, there was no way on God’s green earth that I was going to make a homemade red sauce (so I did not include that recipe here.) So Prego it was! Also, I didn’t follow the polenta instructions, which don’t vary much from recipe to recipe anyways, as far as I can tell. I used my already prepared polenta, which I made this way, though American Bistro’s version sounds good to me with their onions and their garlic. But honestly, I wouldn’t hesitate to use pre-made polenta with this, especially if I’m making it for just myself or perhaps one other person that I’m not overly concerned about impressing. There are so many other things going on with this dish, I can’t imagine anyone would notice. Except maybe those polenta experts you have over on occasion.

Assessment: I enjoyed myself more than I normally do when it comes to this dish, perhaps because I fulfilled both my mysterious desire for lasagna and my more understandable desire to try something new. The dish is very, very filling, yet the recipe writers were right that a light, fluffy filling of spinach and ricotta is a nice foil for the denser, richer polenta. And when you ignore half the directions on this particular recipe (by using pre-cooked polenta and tomato sauce from a jar,) it is, in fact, simple to prepare, even though they seem to be trying their hardest to convince you otherwise. Still, with assembly time and 30 minutes cooking in the oven, describing it as “relatively easy” does feel like a stretch. I assume when people think of “easy,” they’re thinking “nearly instant.” This dish is certainly not that.

I think Polenta is a little full of himself. Just because he has a better PR agent than grits doesn’t make him any better than other ground corn products. But I surprised myself the other day when I nearly spontaneously decided to make some polenta. I wanted something hearty and comforting. I never thought of polenta as comforting before, but here I am calling him up after ignoring him for so long. Polenta with Parmesan Cheese, I’m sorry. You have a lot of good qualities. No, I’m not just really bored right now. We can still be friends. (Relationships are so complicated.)

So Williams-Sonoma supplied the recipe for this one, and because Williams-Sonoma is sort of a fancypants, he recommended using regular polenta and stirring it for hours (okay, just 25 minutes, but that’s a long time!) I was not into this recommendation. I ignored Williams-Sonoma and decided to use instant polenta instead. I’m sure the real thing tastes better, but I had a complete meal in roughly 10 minutes, and that’s worth something too. (My polenta looks a little bit like an egg experiment gone awry, no?)

Adjustments: Initially, I cooked according to the instructions on the instant polenta box, then switched to Williams-Sonoma for the extras. And per usual, I substituted Parmesan with Asiago. I always return Asiago calls. He’s so dreamy.

Assessment: Satisfying, but it tasted a lot like grits to me, as it should since polenta and grits are essentially the same thing (corn!) It seemed a little strange eating asparagus with my grits…er, I mean polenta, but not in a bad way. I like the idea of adding mushrooms, as Williams-Sonoma suggests in another recipe. I wouldn’t be surprised if I ended up making this dish again. And look at the adorable wine glasses my landpeople/landcouple gave me. (What’s the plural of landlord when it involves two people of different genders? Anyone?)

I’ve been seduced by polenta’s fancy Italian ways. Don’t tell grits since they’re really no different than polenta. Grits will be hurt. We grew up in the same place after all.

Actually, it’s not so much that I’ve been seduced by polenta as that I now have a box of instant polenta in my cupboard that I feel the need to use. So I determined I’d make Grilled Polenta, and Grilled Polenta told me it should be eaten with Grilled Lime-Cilantro Chicken with Tomatillo Salsa, so I obeyed.

Adjustments: Even though both of these dishes have the word “grilled” in their title, I didn’t grill them since I don’t own a grill. I fried the polenta instead, which broke apart and looked more like funnel cake in the end. And who honestly has time to make a tomatillo salsa when they have two other dishes to make from scratch? I used the regular ole salsa that I already had, and it worked.

Assessment: I ate the polenta as a main dish porridge/vegetarian meal one night and had no real thoughts on it but liked it quite a bit a couple nights later fried up and paired with the chicken. Turned out Polenta was right, it does taste good with this chicken dish. And two thumbs up for the chicken recipe, which consists of a zingy, tasty, easy marinade, yay!

Polenta inspires nothing in me. Basically, I think they’re glorified grits. But for whatever reason, the Polenta Fries in CHOW (a hip, new food magazine that you should check out) spoke to me. Actually, I think the cheese wine dipping sauce spoke to me, but I had to have something to dip into it, so I figured might as well make the fries too. And an excuse for a dinner party was born!

Maggie Flynn and Shahan Sanossian joined me for a little vegetarian antipasto feast. I let them be taste testers for the guacamole I’m entering in Guac Bowl ’06 (tremble in fear those competing against me). Then we ate our Polenta Fries with Fontina Fondue, and I provided two healthy dishes to prevent us from having massive coronaries: Roasted Eggplant & Peppers accompanied by Tomato Salad with Basil-Honey Vinaigrette (both from the Williams-Sonoma Complete Entertaining Cookbook.)

Also, I made an Apricot Brandy Pound Cake from the Junior League Open House cookbook. I don’t know why I keep trying to convince myself I like pound cake. It’s a homely little dessert. Nothing to it. If I’m going to add some fat to my body, I’d rather do it with something that’s creamy or rich or chocolately or something. Pound cake is too vanilla for me, which I feel is actually an insult to vanilla because it’s far more interesting than pound cake.

Adjustments: I bought pre-cooked polenta (instead of cooking up instant per the instructions,) and despite my last minute freak-out that it would be horrendous and inedible, and I wouldn’t have enough decent food to serve my guests, it turned out quite good. I cut the roll of polenta into discs, dipped them in flour, and fried away (actually, Shahan did the frying.) Really, what wouldn’t taste good like that? Also I served the pound cake with a couple strawberries and an easy Apricot Sauce (hit the link and scroll down to “Topping Ingredients.”) It helped gussy up the presentation and the taste.

Assessment: Polenta fries and fondue are really yummy, but not the easiest dinner party undertaking because you have to do two things last minute (fry polenta, make fondue). It helps to have laid-back dinner guests who don’t mind helping. (I recommend Shahan and Maggie.) Tomato Salad is really easy and flavorful, and you can’t screw it up. Roasted Eggplant isn’t a show-stopper but a respectable side all the same. It’s good too because you can make it in advance and it’s not hard–but peeling off the skins of the eggplant and peppers is kind of a pain. And I think I prefer it on toasted bread, which is how I’ve been eating the leftovers. The pound cake tastes like pound cake. And despite the fact that I’ve determined I’ll never make another pound cake as long as I live, I still find myself intrigued by this version of a Apricot Brandy Pound Cake, which I ran across after making my own. It incorporates dry whipped topping mix into the batter.