The Cooking Critic

My idea for an Easter brunch started out harmless enough. I saw the Weekend Cookbook Challenge was having a bloggers’ brunch round-up, and I thought something along the lines of “Brunch! What a lovely idea. Perhaps I will have a few friends over, and I will serve them brunch.” Between this original small-scale notion and sending out an Evite less than a week before Easter, the idea had ballooned into inviting nearly everyone I know in the Los Angeles area. And while I generally think I’m capable of fitting more tasks into a day than is humanly possible, I had no delusions about being the sole supplier of a meal for thirty people, which was a pleasantly surprising showing for a last-minute shindig. So I described the brunch as “potluck-ish” and at the risk of sounding bossy, told people exactly what we needed for a diverse spread (egg dishes, fruit dishes, salads, etc.) since I was afraid otherwise, most would just stop by a bakery beforehand, and all we’d have was a diverse array of muffins.

I think it turned out well:

The day before the brunch, I whipped together this ridiculously simple Fruit Dip (cream cheese, marshmallow fluff, orange juice and orange zest) that I’ve made countless times. It was sweeter than I remembered, and I might use lemon juice instead of orange juice to cut the sweetness next time or try out one of the other many fruit dip recipes I have lying around. (Yes, I am in possession of multiple fruit dip recipes. No, I do not think this is strange.) But the crowd said nice things. Then again, it was a nice crowd. Alie thought the dip was a great summery addition, and Audrey described it as dipping fruit into a creamsicle.

Next I mixed and rolled Sausage Balls, another easy one. It’s possible that the term “Sausage Balls” doesn’t sound particularly pleasant or edible to you, but they are “a surprising animal” according to David Friedman, the biggest Sausage Ball cheerleader I know. Here’s another way to think of it: a little round biscuit with sausage and cheese baked in. Doesn’t that sound infinitely better? And despite the fact that the crowd kept giggling at Sausage Balls’ ridiculous name, they ate them and proclaimed their love for them. And here’s a tip: my mother was talking to a woman about her Sausage Balls (this is a perfectly normal conversation in the South since everyone makes Sausage Balls there) and how they can cook up dry. The woman said she rolls her balls more loosely to keep them moist, and I found this works. And on that note, we now move on to Orange Chocolate Salad but not without a giant picture of a Sausage Ball first:

I first noticed Clementine Chocolate Salad when Running with Tweezers posted it for the last Weekend Cookbook Challenge. Though I was drawn to it and had half-heartedly considered making it, I couldn’t commit. But when Adam showed up on my doorstep with a sack full of oranges as a thank you for my feeding Pants the cat while he was away, I determined the oranges were a sign from God telling me to make Clementine Chocolate Salad but with navel oranges.

This dish looks simple, but I encountered one problem after another with it—sometimes that happens when you feel pushed for time. I doubled the dish and spent 20 minutes grating chocolate, which is very very boring, and still had only half as much chocolate as I needed. As it turns out, I hate grating chocolate. I will never grate 3.5 ounces of chocolate again. I will either buy it pre-grated (if this product exists) or hire someone to do the grating for me (anyone want that job?—it doesn’t pay, but there’s free Orange Chocolate Salad in it for you.) Then I made the vanilla bean syrup, which was only three ingredients but more trouble than I imagined. On my first try, I cooked it too long trying to get it golden as instructed and ended up with basically Vanilla Bean Jolly Ranchers. So I tossed my creation and made the syrup again, taking it off the burner soon after the sugar dissolved instead of attempting anything golden for fear of wasting more vanilla beans.

Despite the hassle, it was a wonderfully elegant dish that would be especially good at a bridal shower, and people loved the fact that the words “chocolate” and “salad” were used together. But next time, I think I’ll try the version with the fresh mint instead of the chocolate (though the crowd loved the taste of chocolate and oranges together) since I prefer whacking at mint with scissors to grating chocolate.

Next I made a Caramel Coffee Cake, something that sounds far more complicated than it is. All you do is throw yeast rolls in a greased pan, mix together some dry butterscotch pudding and spices, throw them on top of the rolls, then top with melted butter. If you ever make this, you will look at what I just described and think that I must be crazy for insisting that it will turn into a gooey Caramel Coffee Cake. You have to let it rise overnight, and in case you have any reservations about letting the butter that it’s topped with sit out unrefrigerated for hours, Real Simple, one of the premier butter authorities in the world, says it’s okay in their discussion of food myths here (click the link and scroll down.) Evidently, there’s enough salt in salted butter that you can always leave it out, and it will still be fine. As for the coffee cake, when the yeast rolls have risen the next day (appropriate for an Easter meal, no?) into a doughy mass, you will still think I’m crazy for claiming you will have coffee cake after it is cooked. But trust me and put the pan in the oven, let it cook, take it out, flip it out on a plate, ooh and aah, then thank me. I will not hold it against you that you thought I was crazy. Here it is half-eaten, slightly blurry, poorly lit and not nearly as pretty as it is in person (sadly, pictures were an after-thought). But by the end of the party it was gone except for one slice. An excellent sign. Sarah Kate described Caramel Coffee Cake and Orange Chocolate Salad as “can’t-go-wrongs.” I’m thinking about adding that as a category to my blog….

All the day-before prep work complete (sorry for all the jumping around in time), I rested on the seventh day, meaning I tried to sleep around midnight but could not, thinking of all the cleaning and additional food prep work I had to do before 11 a.m. At least I got the coffee and tea station (a transformed IKEA bookshelf) set up in the living room, which I am very proud of because it prevented overflow in the kitchen area and kept the guests happy and caffeinated:

The morning of brunch, the show got under way with minimal sleep and the much-appreciated help of Melissa and Trixie, who assisted me with everything from moving furniture to peeling oranges–somehow the latter turned out to be more difficult than the former. Proof:

As it turns out, Melissa, though a gifted writer and quite adorable, cannot peel an orange to save her life. The above is an example of an orange peeled by Melissa. I had to fire Melissa from her orange-peeling duties and give that job to Trixie who went about scoring them first and making them look more uniform than I thought possible.

However, Melissa was able to redeem herself by expertly opening a bottle of champagne, and she was an immense help with our last-minute assembly of Gorgonzola Grits (another quick dish, but it requires nearly constant attention during its ten-minute prep lifespan), a recipe I got from a Junior League cookbook. I made one with chicken broth, as the recipe told me to, and another version with No-Chicken Broth (the name of the brand) for the vegetarians. I had used the actual chicken broth to poach a chicken earlier in the week, and so, it was an extra-chickeny chicken broth. The grits made with this broth had a very powerful, salty flavor. It made for robust grits—perhaps too robust. But flavorful and unusual in the best sort of way—I’ll just go with a tamer chicken broth next time. The vegetarians loved their less-salty version, one claiming they had converted her to gritsdom and another describing them as “half city/half country—the Donny and Marie of breakfast.” (The No-Chicken Broth made much yellower grits than the real-chicken broth, in case you were wondering about the color difference.)

Soon Mike and Meghann arrived, then Tim, Danielle and Kysa with coffee pot in tow, and it became a rockin’ party from there with people enjoying their mimosas:

and bringing more delicious brunch foods than I knew existed. To give you a sense of what was present, I’ll describe my leftovers. For dinner that night, I had Marissa’s French toast casserole, Sarah Kate’s deviled eggs (with caviar!), Melissa’s spinach salad and a puff pastry stuffed with mushrooms and cheese that magically appeared near the end of brunch. (I have no idea who brought it). For breakfast I had Meghann’s egg casserole and Maggie’s cheddar dill scones. Lunch was Christiane’s quiche, my grits and Shayna’s stuffed cream cheese French toast. For a dessert break I’ll have chocolate cake (Sarah’s?) and/or Leslie’s peach cobbler. And already I’m eyeing the leftovers and imagining what I can create with them—some sort of tart with the fruit dip and strawberries? A cake with a layer of those vanilla meringues? Lucky for the people playing poker at my house later this week….

>>Buy Open House: A Culinary Tour by The Junior League of Murfreesboro.

Being able to make Risotto Pancakes is one of the great joys of making risotto in the first place. You get to eat leftovers with minimal prep time, but you don’t feel like you’re eating leftovers. In fact, it seems like you’re eating something completely new and wonderful. It’s a great trick to play on yourself.

I’m sure there are some restaurants in the world that have risotto pancakes on the menu, but I’ve never encountered them. I’ve encountered some supplì before (essentially, fried risotto balls with cheese and maybe some sort of veggies stuffed in the middle), and I’ve promised myself over and over that I will take on the labor-intensive task of supplì, but when I have leftover risotto in the fridge, I always end up doing the much easier and quite tasty Risotto Pancakes. It’s hard not to love something that you get to flatten with a spatula and crisps up on the outside.

Assessment: I love Risotto Pancakes, but these weren’t as spectacular the ones I’ve made before. I think it’s my fault because I used half the risotto called for in the recipe but all the egg. These were still good, just a little egg-y. This time, too, I shaped the pancakes from the Easy Risotto I made a few days before (an excellent use of Easy Risotto if ever there was one), and I served Avocado Salad, which I have become completely addicted to, as the accompaniment.

You’ve probably heard the rumors about risotto. It’s high-maintenance and constantly needs attention. Just like a woman. You’re always stirring stirring stirring to make risotto, 20 minutes worth of non-stop stirring while you ladle in warm broth intermittingly to get that creamy but al dente texture. Risotto is, indeed, a commitment. Some people will try to make you think it’s not a difficult dish, and there’s truth to this claim since a basic risotto requires few ingredients. But if you aren’t into stirring for 20 minutes (plus additional sautéing and chopping) then you couldn’t possibly be into making risotto.

While I don’t mind all the stirring myself, I had always wondered how necessary it really was. I’ve looked far and wide for an explanation about the necessity of non-stop risotto-stirring (okay, I looked once, and that was today, but I’ve wondered a lot), and while I keep coming across promising websites that insist on the stirring and even acknowledge that you may want to dump all the broth in at once and not stir, no one explains why we stir. My guess? Nobody knows. That’s right—no one in the whole world knows.

Actually, the Home and Garden TV website claims the stirring is required so the risotto doesn’t stick to the pan. But this seems suspect to me. Occasional (and not constant) stirring would prevent sticking. Anyhow, all this is a long way of saying I have found a risotto recipe that doesn’t require stirring and tastes good to me. It’s not as creamy as your average risotto (I believe the stirring is a texture issue, though I can’t find any source to back me up on this), but once I added the Parmesan at the end, I was surprised by how creamy and flavorful this non-stirring version was. With Easy Risotto, you do some initial chopping and sautéing, then pour all the broth into the risotto just as you’ve always been told not to, put a lid on the thing and let it simmer while you do other things for twenty minutes (the freedom!), and you return to cooked risotto.

Adjustments: The most significant adjustment was the addition of more liquid because when I made this once before, the risotto cooked up kind of dry. And if I’m going to add more liquid, I might as well add an interesting liquid, so ¼ cup of white wine got thrown into the pot. Instead of water and chicken bouillon, I used canned chicken stock. Also diced regular onions replaced green onions.

Assessment: As I’ve been typing this entry, I’ve debated, would I recommend this for company? No doubt, I will make this for myself again, but others? Here’s the answer: if you are making risotto as an entrée, then get to stirring because it’s the centerpiece of your meal and you need to do it right. If you’re offering risotto as a side (and especially if you have other more important dishes that require last-minute attention before dinner is served) make Easy Risotto. I suspect no one will know the difference. Even my friends who cook are not risotto snobs (to my knowledge, well, maybe Meghann Barloewen is a risotto snob–she always seems to be making risotto anyways), so I think they would be fine with this and may very well not notice the difference.

>>Buy the Better Homes and Gardens New Cookbook.

Lasagna is one of the most overrated dishes that has ever existed in the history of mankind. This, I realize, is a big, bold statement, but I think I can say it with confidence. Despite the fact I’ve thought this for at least eight years now (ever since a particularly atrocious date that, no, I don’t believe has overly influenced my feelings regarding lasagna,) I still feel compelled to order it on occasion. In general, I prefer to order something new and intriguing, but sometimes the idea of cheese, red sauce and noodles proves too much, and I end up with a slab of lasagna in front of me. And then I remember I’m not that into lasagna, despite all the glorious cheese.

But all lasagnas aren’t created equal. My cousin, Wendy, for example, makes an excellent, particularly well-balanced lasagna that had me returning for seconds before others had finished getting their firsts. (Honestly, you should just stay out of my way when I’m hungry.) Since I had some polenta firming up in the fridge from an earlier recipe, I decided to try the Polenta Lasagna with Tomatoes and Peppers recipe that had always caught my eye in American Bistro, despite how stupidly long it was. I’m pretty sure that using Prego instead of making a homemade tomato and pepper sauce doesn’t count as a significant change that entitles me to name the dish my own, but I’m going to anyways: Christine’s Cheesy Polenta and Spinach Tower.

Adjustments: So I didn’t take the dental floss and slice the polenta down the middle like I was told to, and this is probably why my lasagna looked like the Leaning Tower of Pisa (or, rather, the Leaning Tower of Chees-a—hoo hoo hoo ha ha ha, man, I’m funny.) In the future, I will use dental floss, as instructed—at the very least, it probably makes for a much prettier presentation. Since I had plans to go out this evening, there was no way on God’s green earth that I was going to make a homemade red sauce (so I did not include that recipe here.) So Prego it was! Also, I didn’t follow the polenta instructions, which don’t vary much from recipe to recipe anyways, as far as I can tell. I used my already prepared polenta, which I made this way, though American Bistro’s version sounds good to me with their onions and their garlic. But honestly, I wouldn’t hesitate to use pre-made polenta with this, especially if I’m making it for just myself or perhaps one other person that I’m not overly concerned about impressing. There are so many other things going on with this dish, I can’t imagine anyone would notice. Except maybe those polenta experts you have over on occasion.

Assessment: I enjoyed myself more than I normally do when it comes to this dish, perhaps because I fulfilled both my mysterious desire for lasagna and my more understandable desire to try something new. The dish is very, very filling, yet the recipe writers were right that a light, fluffy filling of spinach and ricotta is a nice foil for the denser, richer polenta. And when you ignore half the directions on this particular recipe (by using pre-cooked polenta and tomato sauce from a jar,) it is, in fact, simple to prepare, even though they seem to be trying their hardest to convince you otherwise. Still, with assembly time and 30 minutes cooking in the oven, describing it as “relatively easy” does feel like a stretch. I assume when people think of “easy,” they’re thinking “nearly instant.” This dish is certainly not that.

I think Polenta is a little full of himself. Just because he has a better PR agent than grits doesn’t make him any better than other ground corn products. But I surprised myself the other day when I nearly spontaneously decided to make some polenta. I wanted something hearty and comforting. I never thought of polenta as comforting before, but here I am calling him up after ignoring him for so long. Polenta with Parmesan Cheese, I’m sorry. You have a lot of good qualities. No, I’m not just really bored right now. We can still be friends. (Relationships are so complicated.)

So Williams-Sonoma supplied the recipe for this one, and because Williams-Sonoma is sort of a fancypants, he recommended using regular polenta and stirring it for hours (okay, just 25 minutes, but that’s a long time!) I was not into this recommendation. I ignored Williams-Sonoma and decided to use instant polenta instead. I’m sure the real thing tastes better, but I had a complete meal in roughly 10 minutes, and that’s worth something too. (My polenta looks a little bit like an egg experiment gone awry, no?)

Adjustments: Initially, I cooked according to the instructions on the instant polenta box, then switched to Williams-Sonoma for the extras. And per usual, I substituted Parmesan with Asiago. I always return Asiago calls. He’s so dreamy.

Assessment: Satisfying, but it tasted a lot like grits to me, as it should since polenta and grits are essentially the same thing (corn!) It seemed a little strange eating asparagus with my grits…er, I mean polenta, but not in a bad way. I like the idea of adding mushrooms, as Williams-Sonoma suggests in another recipe. I wouldn’t be surprised if I ended up making this dish again. And look at the adorable wine glasses my landpeople/landcouple gave me. (What’s the plural of landlord when it involves two people of different genders? Anyone?)

I’ve been seduced by polenta’s fancy Italian ways. Don’t tell grits since they’re really no different than polenta. Grits will be hurt. We grew up in the same place after all.

Actually, it’s not so much that I’ve been seduced by polenta as that I now have a box of instant polenta in my cupboard that I feel the need to use. So I determined I’d make Grilled Polenta, and Grilled Polenta told me it should be eaten with Grilled Lime-Cilantro Chicken with Tomatillo Salsa, so I obeyed.

Adjustments: Even though both of these dishes have the word “grilled” in their title, I didn’t grill them since I don’t own a grill. I fried the polenta instead, which broke apart and looked more like funnel cake in the end. And who honestly has time to make a tomatillo salsa when they have two other dishes to make from scratch? I used the regular ole salsa that I already had, and it worked.

Assessment: I ate the polenta as a main dish porridge/vegetarian meal one night and had no real thoughts on it but liked it quite a bit a couple nights later fried up and paired with the chicken. Turned out Polenta was right, it does taste good with this chicken dish. And two thumbs up for the chicken recipe, which consists of a zingy, tasty, easy marinade, yay!

Polenta inspires nothing in me. Basically, I think they’re glorified grits. But for whatever reason, the Polenta Fries in CHOW (a hip, new food magazine that you should check out) spoke to me. Actually, I think the cheese wine dipping sauce spoke to me, but I had to have something to dip into it, so I figured might as well make the fries too. And an excuse for a dinner party was born!

Maggie Flynn and Shahan Sanossian joined me for a little vegetarian antipasto feast. I let them be taste testers for the guacamole I’m entering in Guac Bowl ’06 (tremble in fear those competing against me). Then we ate our Polenta Fries with Fontina Fondue, and I provided two healthy dishes to prevent us from having massive coronaries: Roasted Eggplant & Peppers accompanied by Tomato Salad with Basil-Honey Vinaigrette (both from the Williams-Sonoma Complete Entertaining Cookbook.)

Also, I made an Apricot Brandy Pound Cake from the Junior League Open House cookbook. I don’t know why I keep trying to convince myself I like pound cake. It’s a homely little dessert. Nothing to it. If I’m going to add some fat to my body, I’d rather do it with something that’s creamy or rich or chocolately or something. Pound cake is too vanilla for me, which I feel is actually an insult to vanilla because it’s far more interesting than pound cake.

Adjustments: I bought pre-cooked polenta (instead of cooking up instant per the instructions,) and despite my last minute freak-out that it would be horrendous and inedible, and I wouldn’t have enough decent food to serve my guests, it turned out quite good. I cut the roll of polenta into discs, dipped them in flour, and fried away (actually, Shahan did the frying.) Really, what wouldn’t taste good like that? Also I served the pound cake with a couple strawberries and an easy Apricot Sauce (hit the link and scroll down to “Topping Ingredients.”) It helped gussy up the presentation and the taste.

Assessment: Polenta fries and fondue are really yummy, but not the easiest dinner party undertaking because you have to do two things last minute (fry polenta, make fondue). It helps to have laid-back dinner guests who don’t mind helping. (I recommend Shahan and Maggie.) Tomato Salad is really easy and flavorful, and you can’t screw it up. Roasted Eggplant isn’t a show-stopper but a respectable side all the same. It’s good too because you can make it in advance and it’s not hard–but peeling off the skins of the eggplant and peppers is kind of a pain. And I think I prefer it on toasted bread, which is how I’ve been eating the leftovers. The pound cake tastes like pound cake. And despite the fact that I’ve determined I’ll never make another pound cake as long as I live, I still find myself intrigued by this version of a Apricot Brandy Pound Cake, which I ran across after making my own. It incorporates dry whipped topping mix into the batter.

I’m not sure that I’ve eaten bulgur wheat before, but I’m strangely drawn to recipes using it, though I can’t say it sounds entirely appetizing. Maybe I want something just because it’s good for me? Stranger things have happened. . . . Anyhow, came across the substance in a health food store (Nature Mart–love it), purchased it on a whim, and whipped up a batch of Bulgur Wheat with Mushrooms (from Real Fast Food by Nigel Slater). The recipe said to cook the bulgur wheat till tender, but it never approached anything remotely close to tender. After adding quite a bit more water, I got it to about al dente. It wasn’t a bad little dish. It certainly tasted healthy, but what’s wrong with that? And it was really easy. Good as a side dish or a main course with a side salad. Not the most photogenic food (that’s why I didn’t enlarge the picture), but I can’t judge–I’m not very photogenic myself.

Adjustments: A decent amount of extra water (I lost track of how much), and the recommended cheddar if you don’t have Gruyère.

Assessment: Seeing as I have a big old bag of bulgur wheat in my cabinet now, this dish will definitely be appearing on the menu again in the future. It was nice for a change.