The Cooking Critic

When I invited Maggie over for dinner, I mentioned very coolly in passing, “Saffron will be there.” “Saffron?” she said, just as coolly back, pretending she didn’t care. Then I mentioned green beans, and her cool veneer slipped just a little because, frankly, nobody worries about being cool in front of green beans, and she admitted that she’s on a green bean kick where she likes to cook them up and then salt the hell out of them. Then the conversation turned back to saffron, and she got all blasé since that’s the thing you do when it comes to the most sought-after spice around and said, “Well, maybe I’ll stop by.” And so she did.

Saffron is effortlessly cool, and he thinks he’s pretty special because, well, he is. According to The New Food Lover’s Companion, he’s the most expensive spice in the world. And unlike some items where the high price seems arbitrary, saffron actually has a good reason for being so expensive. Saffron comes from a flower that produces only three saffron stigmas per flower. On top of this, these stigmas are handpicked. Can you imagine handpicking saffron? I’ve always maintained that the worst job I ever had was a soccer referee—this claim is questionable since I’ve had my share of bad jobs, but between the fact it was my very first job and everybody loves to yell at you when you’re a referee, it doesn’t seem like such an outrageous notion. Still, I imagine being a stigma-picker is worse. At the very least, it sounds extremely tedious.

But we’ll move away from the plight of the stigma-picker, which I have no knowledge of, and on to meals containing said stigmas, of which I have a little more knowledge but not a lot since I can count the number of times I’ve used saffron on one hand. That number is two.

Basically, saffron is an easy way to impress guests since it’s familiar enough not to be scary but still has some exotic shimmer to it. Sure enough, with saffron mixed in, a dish becomes vibrant, and the taste of saffron is its very own and hard to describe. I’d like to think it has a slightly buttery/faintly floral taste. Of course, I like to think all sorts of things—for instance, that eventually I’ll live in one of those gorgeous houses in Los Feliz and not have to fret over purchasing things such as saffron—so who knows how accurate my description is.

For something not terribly planned out, Maggie and I had a nice little feast with our Trader Joe’s appetizer dips, Hearts of Palm Salad, Green Beans and Saffron Pasta and Raspberry Brownies. As a bonus for any host, none of these dishes were labor-intensive, and the meal as a whole was completely feasible to pull off. Yea feasibility!

Adjustments: Instead of garganelli pasta (a ribbed penne, more or less), I used bowtie because I just can’t justify buying other pastas when I have such an assortment (if an incomplete one) in my house.

Assessment: This dish had a nice flavor heigtened by the kicky pecorinio cheese, and I liked it even better the second day, but overall it was subtler than I would have liked. I also didn’t love the instruction to include “2 pinches of saffron threads”; it wasn’t nearly exact enough for me, a Virgo, obviously. I found myself wondering if my pinch would be more or less than the average pinch. At first I blamed my stingy pinches for the low-key flavor, but I have since read that you need to use saffron within six months for optimum flavor, and saffron had been hanging out at my place for far longer than that. What can I say? I enjoy his company.

I’m going to call this dish “relatively easy” though I have some doubts. It’s not hard, but it took longer than 30 minutes. Still, I think the time might have more to do with the fact I haven’t quite mastered the art of chatting with guests while cooking rather than how long the dish actually takes. As for recommending this dish: I think it’s a good base for exploring saffron but feel free to freestyle cook with this one—no need to be a slave to the recipe. And use fresher saffron than I did.

Blue cheese has a big personality. He’s a little obnoxious, truth be told, but he does liven up a salad. Still, he can be so overpowering that not everybody likes him. I’ve found many people so strongly opposed to blue cheese, that I actually crumble it up in a bowl and serve it on the side rather than sprinkling it in the serving bowl with the salad. That way the blue cheese haters can go about their business. Navigating a salad with blue cheese present when you’re trying to avoid him can be tricky, indeed.

It took me a while to warm up to blue cheese myself, but I like him now. Still, a hunk of blue cheese goes a long way, and I’m only going to eat so many salads. This leaves me trying to find other uses for this pungent dairy product. Spinach with Blue Cheese and Pasta is one.

Adjustments: I like spinach, so I add 3 handfuls of it instead of 2. I’d even consider 4 handfuls!

Assessment: Quick and satisfying, and a good way to use your blue cheese. I don’t think I would purchase the product specifically to make this dish, but I’ll happily make it when I already have some in the house. It’s a good, hearty, easy pasta meal to eat before a night out on the town. But it doesn’t reheat very well—the sauce tends to take the form of its former crumbly blue cheese self once placed in the fridge.

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Nigel Slater likes to call this dish Pappardelle with Olive Paste and Gruyère. I didn’t include the pappardelle, olive paste or Gruyère but still used this recipe as a base for dinner one night. The word on the street is if you make three major changes to a recipe, you can call it your own. I’m not sure if my changes count as major, but I’ll name the dish just in case: Christine’s Veggie-Crunch Pasta. Not sure I like that. Feel free to submit better names.

Adjustments: I like pappardelle just as much as the next guy, which is basically the widest noodle you’ve ever seen, but it’s not the easiest noodle to find, so I used fettuccine instead. I’ve made the dish using the 1/3 cup black olive paste, and it’s good that way, but this time I used Trader Joe’s Roasted Vegetable Tapenade, and since you don’t have to worry about the overwhelming flavor of olives–olives can be bullies and gang up on you sometimes–go crazy and use 3/4’s cup if you want. Instead of pine nuts (expensive!), I use pumpkin seeds, and about 3 tablespoons instead of the 1 suggested since I hunt down the pumpkins seeds when I eat this dish because I like the slight crunch. And instead of Gruyère I used Asiago. Sweet, sweet Asiago. So basically I changed everything in this 5-ingredient meal except the olive oil. There isn’t a thing wrong with olive oil. (Anyone catch the shout-out to Junebug? Amy Adams was robbed! But Rachel Weisz is an excellent actress as well—I don’t want to piss Rachel off. I’m sure she reads my blog all the time. And I want her to know that I have a bias toward Southern actors and actresses or non-Southerners who play Southerners in all their complexity with a credible accent. Rachel is a Brit playing a Brit. Nothing Southern about that.)

Assessment: I wouldn’t plan a dinner party around this dish or anything, but it’s a great, satisfying meal to eat on my own. Prep work amounts to very little, so I’m going to put this dish in the “(Relatively) Easy” category, but since you have to boil (6 minutes) and bake (15-20 minutes), you will end up waiting a little while for your supper. Don’t worry, it’s worth it. And I don’t have a picture of this dish, but I do have a picture of my gleaming kitchen. I mopped! And those dishes in the sink are clean, drying dishes, I’ll have you know.

Macaroni and cheese isn’t something I’d typically serve as a meal to a friend, but Shahan Sannossian caught me on a strange day. I had planned on making him a homemade tomato soup, but my stomach was bothering me and didn’t like the thought of a meal composed nearly entirely of acidic tomatoes. My stomach much preferred the thought of the always-comforting mac and cheese. Of course, you can’t just dump a box of macaroni in a boiling water and call it dinner (at least when company is involved), so I figured out a way to make it presentable.

I used Trader Joe’s Aged White Cheddar Macaroni and Cheese for my Fancified Macaroni and Cheese and included prosciutto, cooked spinach, white asparagus (though green asparagus is prettier and broccoli also works well), tomatoes, bread crumbs and cheese—I used white cheddar on one effort and Asiago on a second. And I’m going to include this in the vegetarian category since it’s easy enought to leave out the prosciutto. The recipe looks long, but that’s only because I have instructions for deseeding and deskinning tomatoes in there, which is not nearly as laborious at it sounds but does take a small paragraph to explain. Be sure to add or subtract any ingredient that suits your fancy.

Assessment: I can’t really assess the Trader Joe’s product on its own since I always add a ton of stuff to it, but it makes a great base for my Fancified Macaroni and Cheese. Shahan liked it and said he would even make it himself. And he’s a boy. Everyone knows that boys don’t cook, so that’s a solid endorsement. I’d like to thank the Academy and Williams-Sonoma Simple Recipes for the inspiration.

Maybe everyone else in the world eats eggs and pasta together all the time–and I’m not talking about egg noodles, but honest to goodness scrambled eggs mixed in with pasta. I was pretty shocked when Danielle McKeon (formerly Danielle Roberts) ordered this dish at a brunch at Hugo’s (called Pasta Mama there and elsewhere. You may encounter Pasta Papas too.) Not because Danielle ordered it, but because I’d never heard of such a thing before in all my life–I blame my Tennessee upbringing but not my parents who can hardly introduce me to something they’ve never encountered themselves. Mom, Dad, you ever hear of eating eggs and pasta together? It’s crazy.

Soon after I was listlessly wandering around my kitchen wondering what I could make that would satisfy my gabby stomach and not take too much time, and I ran across this simple recipe for Eggs with Pecorina and Black Pepper. Pecorina’s a cheese by the way, sort of like Parmesan. So I cooked the dish, ate it, liked it.

Adjustments: I go ahead and scramble the eggs on their own rather than cooking them with the already cooked pasta so they retain creaminess. Creamy eggs weird me out. And when I don’t have pecorina cheese (and I usually don’t), I use Parmesan. Sometimes I toss in some fresh basil shreds too.

Assessment: Hearty and satisfying. Breakfast and dinner together in one bowl!

Jelly is old news. Peanut Butter is moving on, getting his groove back in this Sesame-Peanut Noodles recipe. Since I’m not used to putting peanut butter in foods served at dinner, I felt kind of wacky making this. I think peanut butter is not an uncommon ingredient in Asian food (or is that just peanuts?), but I’m not really sure. Clearly I don’t make a lot of Asian food.

Adjustments: Left out the peanuts because I didn’t have any. Oh and I tossed in some asparagus for blanching while boiling the noodles and mixed them into the final product. (I’m trying to up my daily veggie dose.)

Assessment: I really liked that I had on hand nearly all the ingredients it called for, and it was easy. (No, I didn’t have the mirin, but I had sherry as a substitute.) The dish was a little on the peppery side for me but tasty all in all. Peanut butter lovers should like this one. Those with peanut allergies probably won’t.

Say what you want about the Junior League, but don’t knock their recipe books. The Junior League of Murfreesboro, Tennessee fame has put together a fine book that I cook from regularly, Open House: A Culinary Tour. My latest cooking endeavor at their recommendation: Roasted Vegetables and Pasta, which suited me since I’m always looking for something new to do with eggplant. And all the vegetables (zucchini, mushrooms, carrots) made me feel healthy. I thought their marinade was ingenious, just onion soup mix, fresh thyme leaves and olive oil. It created some pretty flavorful veggies.

Adjustments: My only adjustment I wouldn’t recommend; I write it up as a warning of what not to do. To save time, I bought pre-sliced mushrooms instead of whole ones as suggested, which you’re instructed to cut in half. The sliced ones shriveled up to almost nothing during the roasting process, so don’t be lured by the ease of pre-sliced mushrooms. In the case, follow the directions.

Assessment: Pretty easy to execute, but chopping the veggies takes a while, and you have to time the various components well (toasting pine nuts, roasting vegetables, boiling pasta.) I like their suggestion to try it with chicken, though I didn’t. All in all, it wasn’t the most amazing dish I’ve ever had–I won’t dream about it or anything–but I could end up making it again. A friend who got a tupperware full of it and ate it the next day called it “delicious.”